The dream dating
This is easy when we’re talking about the work of the workshop room.
But in real life, away from the creative writing classroom, the deep fantasy, Anonymous, it’s trouble.
You do not have a shallow fantasy of what it might be like to be in a loving and sexual relationship with an intelligent, creative woman. Deep fantasies will always, eventually, cause upheaval.
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I have a feeling your man knows you don’t ache for him already. He deserves someone who aches for him with excitement and passion; he needs to know that kind of desire, too.
You’re afraid of giving up the good aspects of your relationship together, but ultimately they’re not bringing you joy.
Deep fantasies rarely go away; in their persistence, they have the capability of making reality even more difficult than it already is.
Perhaps you know you should end it now—if that’s the case, do it.
Shallow fantasies, as we see them, are harmless: the “it’s exciting to imagine if . You may have a shallow fantasy about losing twenty pounds before your tropical vacation (but you’ll have fun either way), or you may have a shallow fantasy of a very clean and spare tiny house (but you hate-watch , or you may have a shallow fantasy of appearing as a guest on Fresh Air (and perhaps you even act out Terry Gross’s gripping interview with yourself when stuck in traffic).
I call these shallow fantasies not in judgment of the fantasy’s content, but because, although they are interesting (and somewhat telling), they are not defining. They are fairly close to the surface of a person’s subconscious; they amuse us or motivate us at some small level, and usually, they evaporate into thin air and new shallow fantasies emerge. And then there are deep fantasies, which do define us. They speak to our inner truths, and if they’re at odds with our current circumstances, they’re incredibly painful.If I indulge it and obsess over it and allow myself to truly imagine it, maybe even share it with an intimate friend, do I simply laugh (or get off, or give up, etc.) and feel it leave my system? You say you and your current partner have “fun together” and “enjoy doing some similar things.” This is where we might write “awkward” or “cliché” in the margins. When you describe your hypothetical and possible other life, you describe an ache, and you imagine excitement and passion.Excitement and passion aren’t fantasies; they exist in real life, and you are not wrong for wanting to find these things.However, if you’re truly unsure of whether or not you want to leave your current relationship, an honest conversation with your current partner about this deep fantasy is a good place to start.Either he’ll understand and give you the space (whatever the two of you decide “space” means) to explore, or won’t.But taking him with me feels like a commitment that I’m not entirely ready to give. Or do you stay and understand that no one person can give you everything?Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating