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Travel may not lead every Black woman to the love of their lives, but it can help teach us how to love ourselves, once more.I recently returned to the East Coast to run a tennis camp during the summer and decided that despite my inclination to run away from NYC dating, I would give it a try again.I went on dates, for change and none felt it appropriate to ask me if I wanted to “Netflix and chill” when I barely knew them.

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These experiences were not restricted to Trinidad and Tobago either.

While travelling through South East Asia, men displayed the same interest in actually getting to know me.

“I’d love to be with a Black girl; I never have before,” another white male suitor proclaimed with a grin. Some of my closest Black girl friends were having kids with men who had other “baby mommas”, few job prospects and always felt like their manhood was being threatened by their partner’s success.

While I was able to forge a couple of relationships with men that were both fulfilling and mutually respectful, many of those “dating” interactions had a huge impact, even taking a significant toll on my self-esteem. I didn’t push conversations about looking for a relationship too hard, because I didn’t want to seem needy or pushy. I envisioned the same for myself– a miserable dating life and a future with few prospects for marriage or finding a committed, loving partner with whom I could build a family. In Trinidad and Tobago, I noticed an immediate change in my desirability.

is difficult enough because of cultural and stereotypical challenges.

Statistically, Asian men rank lowest compared to other men when it comes to receiving matches and messages from women on dating sites.

Then he broke up with me to make things official with her. It would be almost a decade until I found the answer to that question in a book called Is Marriage For White People.

I began to see them everywhere, walking the halls together hand-in-hand. As I scanned her from head to toe, I couldn’t find what made her so much more desirable than I was. The book detailed, chapter by chapter, the unfair dating and marriage reality that Black women face in America.

Now a few years older and more confident in knowing that I do have choices– opportunities to find happiness with a partner elsewhere– I won’t capitulate to the false premise that I should settle. ” potential dates typically ask before our dates, as they did before.

“A man who can inspire me, support me, respect me and nothing less,” I state confidently.

In my travels, I found the confidence to refuse to settle for anything else.

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