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Aboard the Norwegian Pearl, the host ship for Kid Rock’s annual Chillin’ the Most Cruise, there was a corridor nicknamed "I-95" that ran up and down the length of the ship, where employees pushed around food, supplies, garbage, beer, and more beer.There were hundreds of employees running up and down this highway. The next biggest group was Indian, and then Indonesians.Imagine living and working on a boat that—apart from two weeks in dry dock once in a blue moon—never stops sailing.

To get to Redneck Paradise, we were herded bunch by bunch onto tender boats—double-decker transport vessels that chopped through the surf and dumped us onto dry land.

As you can imagine, two tender boats crossing each other’s paths happily subjected each other to tit flashes and shouts of "I’M ON A BOAT, MOTHERFUCKER! Aboard the Pearl, large waves registered merely a tickle.

vibe you get once you see the inner workings of a floating hotel.

Behind the EMPLOYEES ONLY doors is a whole other world.

The vibrations were subtle, almost personal in a way.

Because the Pearl was so large, it gave the illusion that you were walking around on something that rested upon a foundation. They tilted and bounced and gruffly slammed against the side of the Pearl.The captain told us during a safety briefing, "When you leave the bar, hold onto the handrails," but that hardly proved necessary.While sleeping, the ship’s movement felt like a child gently kicking your mattress from underneath you.So I went up, sat at the top, crossed my legs to make sure I did n’t get a surprise enema, and slid on down. ’ We went and bought a book—they had this book called Getting to Redneck Paradise from the boat isn’t easy.I was naive enough to think the ship would pull right up to the joint. The enormity of the Pearl prevented it getting anywhere close to the cay’s shoals.These are people whose job is to remain as inconspicuous as possible to the drunken throngs roaming the passenger decks.

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