Internet dating meeting up

Who makes the decision about where to go and what to do?

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If most of your face-to-face meetings end in disaster, you need to rethink your strategy.

Most likely you’re setting your bar for meeting a partner too low.

Research suggests that there’s a crucial threshold about six weeks into online emails where you can start to raise your expectations unrealistically high and then feel very let down if, as often happens, a face-to-face meeting proves that there’s no compatibility.

As always, be aware of the dynamic of the arrangements.

As mentioned, don’t talk endlessly about the past, about the downsides of your life, and in particular about partnership breakups.

Instead, concentrate on building the here-and-now relationship between you and your potential partner by making the conversation equal, and about mutual interests, common experiences and shared values.

If someone violates one of your deal breakers, it’s only fair to tell them that and allow them a chance to alter their behaviour; “I’d prefer if we didn’t order that third bottle of wine…”, “I notice that you’ve told me a lot about yourself – is there anything you’d like to know about me?

” If such alerts are ignored, this isn’t a good sign.

In future, weed out unsuitable candidates earlier – be more aware of what you’re really seeing in profiles, emails and phone calls.

Learn to become a better detective at spotting the small clues that spell incompatibility.

As always, notice what is happening – the balance of conversation, the interest a potential partner shows, how attentive they are to what you need.

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